Enjoy Being Human

Forrest Proper

Darth Vader

Darth Vader carries
his own beach umbrella;
a pair of Imperial Storm Troopers
in Hawaiian shirts
carry Darth Vader’s cooler
and his jug of margaritas.

Darth Vader is angry –
The Wicked Witch of the West
got a Tony-award winning musical
and was the toast of Broadway,
– so why not him?

Darth Vader is sad
because all the movies
about his formative years
got Golden Razzies.

Darth Vader is annoyed
because an article on the internet
claims the Death Star
was not energy efficient,
and Darth Vader spent
6 billion Imperial Credits
installing solar panels
and put recycle bins
for paper and plastic
in the Death Star canteen.

Darth Vader wants to friend you
on Facebook.
Darth Vader has 3,657 followers
on Facebook,
and most of them
scare him a little.

For Halloween, Darth Vader
dresses up as Darth Vader.
For Christmas, Darth Vader
dresses up as Darth Vader.

Darth Vader and Han Solo
once spent a romantic weekend
in Mos Eisley together,
but neither of them
will ever talk about it.

Darth Vader becomes angry
when people tell him he has
anger-management issues.

Starting this Wednesday
Darth Vader is taking a course
in Mindfulness Training.

Darth Vader gave up drinking
after he realised
he had no memory whatsoever
of blowing up Alderaan.

Darth Vader once posted
a picture of his cat on the internet.

Darth Vader thinks Eddie Izzard
is da bomb.

Darth Vader wishes
his kids would call more often.

Darth Vader sends Carrie Fisher
a Christmas Card every year
and never gets one back.

Darth Vader cried
when Mr. Spock died.

Darth Vader would like you to know
that George Lucas
took a lot of liberties
with his storyline.

Darth Vader and George Lucas
are no longer speaking.

Despite what you may have heard,
Darth Vader is alive and well
and living in retirement community
on Tatooine.

Darth Vader likes to walk
in the desert at night
and look up at the stars.

Darth Vader would like to say
he is sorry –
but Darth Vader
does not make apologies.

About Forrest Proper

Forrest Proper is a poet from the Pioneer Valley of Western Massachusetts. He is the co-director & co-host of the weekly Northampton Poetry Open Mic & Feature, facilitates poetry workshops, published a poetry collection called Hot Poet Sex on the Floor of T.S. Eliot’s Kitchen in July, 2015, and served on the Reading Committee for the 2016 Amherst Poetry Festival.

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